You're jealous.

Since working in theatre I have learned how to make the following things:

1. fake hardwood floors
2. a wood dinosaur body
3. a bed that turns into a bookshelf
4. a life-sized corpse

Useful info, no?

Back to our roots...

Sean and I recorded a Woodie Guthrie song together last week late at night. We got a little Texas in there so I thought you might enjoy. Here it is:

White Gold is White Gold

Milk consumption fell 14 percent between 1981-2006 and as a result, the California Milk Processor Board (GOT MILK? people) recently launched a new ad campaign featuring sexy rockstar beast, White Gold. He is officially my husband.





The aim is to get more adolescents to drink milk instead of less nutritious options like juice and soda. I'm not sure how effective this ad campaign will be, but it's hilarious and at least it'll make more people want to play a milk guitar, which is fantastic.

A lie is a lie!

A very outspoken, Catholic acquaintance of mine forwarded me an email the other day entitled "Planned Parenthood Racism." The body of the email said:

You've got to see this and talk to your friends about it!!!


The video features a number of people speaking in Washington, D.C. at some sort of rally about defunding Planned Parenthood. If you don't feel like watching it, here's an extremely short summary:

1. The video begins with Kristan Hawkins (Students for Life of America), who talks about an incident in which an actor pretending to be racist called the Planned Parenthood Director of Development in Idaho, offered to contribute to the organization and said (among other things), “The less black kids, the better” (implying that he wanted his money to go towards black abortions). The director responded, “Understandable, understandable.”

Hawkins describes a similar conversation between an actor and an administrative assistant at a Planned Parenthood in Ohio, in which the employee responded, “For whatever reason, we will accept the money.”

2. Hawkins goes on to say that the founder of Planned Parenthood, Margaret Sanger, stated in 1939, “We don’t want the word to get out that we want to exterminate the Negro population.” (Whoa!)

The next clip shows Rev. Clenard Childress demanding the firing of these Planned Parenthood employees. (Right on, these people SHOULD be fired).

3. Dr. Lillie Epps wraps up the video with her “Angry Black Woman” diatribe that I personally find pointless. She starts off by saying that she got an abortion at age 26 in the Planned Parenthood directly behind the podium where she stands. She goes on to say that she got her second abortion in the same location. Halfway into her speech she describes a conversation during which a Planned Parenthood employee said, “We’re going to take care of that problem for you and after today, you won’t have to worry about that problem anymore.”
She concludes with, “A lie is a lie! I don’t care how you dress it up! There have been lies told here across America in millions of Planned Parenthoods. If we don’t stop abortion in the African American community, we will not have a generation to come.”

Here are a few things that bother me about this video and this entire argument (the numbers match the sections above – oh how organized I am!):

1. As an employee of a nonprofit, I have a pretty good understanding of the obstacles that these organizations face in terms of funding. What I know is that more than half of what you do as an employee of a nonprofit is fundraise. Trust me, you shouldn’t work for a nonprofit if you want to live comfortably. They are always struggling for financial support, whether they’ve been around for 1 year or 100 years. Duh, they are not-for-profit. To call a nonprofit and offer to donate a large sum of money as a trick is just cruel. They’re going to take it whether you’re loony or not, because you know what? They need it! AND, they can pretty much do whatever they want with that money. So when a guy calls up, talking nonsense about donating money in order to have less black kids, I would HOPE that they would take that asshole’s money. We don’t want a racist guy like that running around with thousands of dollars to spare, who knows what he would do with it! The Planned Parenthood employees that Hawkins mentions should have put that “racist” in his place, but I don’t think they were wrong to accept the money…just wrong for holding their tongues.
2. Important Side Note - I have concluded that Margaret Sanger (Planned Parenthood founder) is immensely messed up and I am glad she is dead. Upon further investigation, I uncovered a lot about this crazy lady. Namely, that she was a lunatic eugenicist who, according to a study by the Life Research Institute, wrote a book called The Pivot Civilization in which she called for the elimination of human weeds: "for the cessation of charity, for the segregation of morons, misfits, and maladjusted," and for the sterilization of "genetically inferior races." So I learned something today. The founder of Planned Parenthood was ridiculously racist and it is very likely that she created Planned Parenthood with the goal of eliminating a number of minority groups. My questions is: Does Margaret Sanger’s eugenicist agenda define Planned Parenthood today, 70 years later? I honestly don’t know, but I hope not. This might call for another blog when I have the energy…
3. Dr. Lillie Epps’ speech got me fired up. This woman chose to have an abortion…TWICE. Even after feeling the emotional effects of the first abortion, she went and got another one. She tries to say that Planned Parenthood guaranteed that all her problems would go away, but didn’t she find out this wasn’t true after her first go-around? The fact that she is black has nothing to do with her decision to abort two fetuses. She is an adult and she should act like one. On another note, I agree with what I think Epps is trying to say (though she doesn't quite articulate it) in the sense that I think Planned Parenthood should make a concerted effort to educate young women about the devastating emotional effects of abortion. Ultimately though Epps, you got pregnant, you got an abortion, you deal with the effects.
4. To tag on to the last point, what really angers me is that this video is quite obviously an anti-abortion rant fest that latched on to a weak argument against Planned Parenthood. I am hesitant to conclude that Planned Parenthood is racist because 3 ignorant people responded poorly to prank calls and the founder was a flat-out psycho. Maybe it’s true (I sincerely hope not), but their arguments have so many holes, it just seems like they’re fishing for a way to say what they really mean, which is: I don’t like abortion (though, I might get one or two now and then).

I’ll end by saying that I am pro-choice (in case you’re wondering). If I were to get pregnant today, however, I would not get an abortion. That’s how I roll. It has to do with my own preferences and my basic understanding of the emotional effects of the procedure. Many of my friends and family are pro-life so I understand the arguments and I even agree with a number of the key points. That said, I value the right for a woman to choose what she does with her body too much to be swayed to the other side. Ultimately, it was an interesting email that provided for a pleasant night in a coffee shop.

Thoughts?

Can't Sleep!

So many couples that I meet depress me. The girls are always nagging the guys and the guys always seem annoyed. Why would you stay in a relationship like that?! There is this particularly naggy couple that I know and I always wonder what they were like when they first met because they don't seem to love each other at all, they don't even seem to LIKE each other. It's sad to think that long ago when they didn't know each other or live together, he was charming and she was sweet and then once they got together, they stopped giving a shit and realized they didn't have to be nice anymore because the whole game was over and they started incessantly nagging each other. It is so depressing. I know a bunch of couples like that too. It's so unnecessary. BREAK UP! Do better!

I can't sleep at all. ever. it sucks.

I worked on the world's WORST staged reading today. I am serious, this show had absolutely no plot and no point. Most of the dialogue was on cell phones. I wanted to shoot myself. I felt embarrassed to be alive...that's how bad it was.

Now I can't sleep and it's killing me because I am really really tired, but my mind won't stop.

I HATE Wednesdays

I cannot handle Wednesday nights. I think I need to sign up for a class or make sure to work late or take a lot of drugs because Wednesday nights are the bane of my existence right now.

Maybe this will become my new time for writing long-winded blogs that nobody actually reads! HOORAY!

Right now I am sitting on the couch with my roommate's boyfriend watching SuperNanny. Yeah, that's right, you're jealous. I'm the craziest 24 year old in town - it's all about booze and sex for me.

Farewell Facebook

So I de-activated my facebook a few weeks ago. It feels so good! I had been thinking about doing it for awhile, but kept putting it off. It was only when I realized how much time I was wasting debating whether or not I should de-activate, that I realized I should not have to think this hard about a stupid website! So I quit. (Actually, Dan owns my profile, but it's basically the same). Hooray for shaking bad habits!

When it rains, it pours

I feel like I am pretty good at counting my blessings, but I just have to say that 2008 has not been treating me well so far!

Get ready for an extremely long sentence:
First, I deal with the end of yet another relationship, which is just annoying and takes more time than I want/should be necessary, then I take on WAY too much at work to compensate for said end of relationship, which makes me horribly sleep deprived and out of shape so that I can barely drive straight, during which time, I have major surgery on my head to remove five cists (for some unknown reason, I assume this won't be a big deal because, well, I AM RETARDED) and I am knocked out for a solid week (shocker!) because the staples in my head are so tight that I can't lie down for more than two hours to sleep, during which time, the incisions get infected, which knocks me out for a few more weeks, all of this while still working 8am - 1am every day, which is more than I've ever worked in my life. THEN just as things start looking a little better and the head wounds are graduating from "infected" to "inflamed" and my sexy bald spots begin to appear (really boosting my confidence in the relationship department), weird situations develop at work, which are super distracting and not for online sharing, but nonetheless, lead to the decision to move away from the girls I've lived with for over 4 years, which might not sound that stressful, but that's probably because you don't know how poor I am, living on my own is definitely not a small undertaking, then to top allllll of that off, tonight I got MUGGED.

Yep, that's right. I got mugged. I was walking to my car behind the theatre after having coffee with a volunteer for the summer camp and heard someone running really fast behind me and saw a shadow on the wall. In the split second before he touched me, I thought, "Shit. This is what it's like to get mugged." And then I did. He grabbed my arm and swung me in a circle about three times, threw me on the ground and then ran off with my purse, wallet and cell phone. The whole time I was yelling "No" in a voice that didn't sound like mine and afterwards I was shaking like a leaf.

So basically, that's been my year so far. Despite all of this, I know how good I have it and I am so thankful for the things that I have and my wonderful family, but SERIOUSLY....CUT A BALD GIRL A BREAK!

"You cannot see your reflection in running water, only in still water"

Lately, I've been thinking a lot lately about myself spiritually...yeah? What? Anyway, it's strange to say "spiritually" because I haven't thought about where I stand in that arena for a long time...but I am reading an interesting memoir and spending a lot of time at home (with staples in my head!), so I've been doing some thinking.

Everything began when I read this passage (and then the pages following): "I'm tired of being a skeptic, I'm irritated by spiritual prudence and I feel bored and parched by empirical debate. I don't want to hear it anymore. I couldn't care less about evidence and proof and assurances. I just want God." When I read that, I thought, "Excluding the last sentence, that's how I feel!" That's when I got to thinking...

As a kid, I considered myself religious and I very much believed in God. I went to a Christian camp in Arkansas and there were moments there where I truly and deeply felt a connection to what I thought to be God. As I grew older, my faith wavered. I enjoyed Youth Group and I went to church, but I began to doubt things that I had always accepted to be true without question. College was a major turning point. I basically decided that religion was bullshit - God was invented to make people feel better about their shitty lives- I was done. I was almost embarrassed to talk about faith, fearing that I would appear brain-washed or stupid or naive. I still feel that way today.

Over the past few months though (and realistically, probably longer than that), I've realized that I have an overwhelming and powerful desire to believe in something and the desire won't go away. I don't know what that "something" is and I'm not even suggesting that it is God, but I feel that I need something to believe in if I am ever going to find true happiness. Whether that be God or love or sacred cows, it doesn't seem to matter at this point.

I haven't finished the book yet, but I think the author is ultimately saying that we find God within ourselves. She literally says, "God dwells within you as you yourself, exactly the way you are." I think that the more I think about it, the more I agree. When I sit in my bed, about to go to sleep and I write in my journal, I'm really sitting down to ask questions of myself....to challenge my own thoughts....to calm my heart and comfort my soul before I have to start another day. My parents taught me that God existed to walk beside me...to guide me through the light and dark. Really, I am my own guide. I know it sounds SO extremely cheesy, and maybe even obvious, but I am. And I don't have to make some massive, dramatic change of character or renounce my individuality in order to find a "God" or to find a specific something to believe in. If I just sit quietly and really think about it, I think I've already found it.

It's been a while...

I haven't written in a long time, but I recently read something that I feel like talking about and since I don't feel like working today, I might as well.

I recently spent a rainy Sunday with my mom and little brother and came across a book called This I Believe. It's a compilation of essays from a program on NPR, which encourages people to write, share and discuss the core values that guide their daily lives. The project is based on the popular 1950s radio series of the same name hosted by Edward R. Murrow. Anyway, as I flipped through the book, which I later purchased, I came across one particular essay by Deirdre Sullivan that meant a lot to me. Here it is:

Always Go to the Funeral

I believe in always going to the funeral. My father taught me that.

The first time he said it directly to me, I was 16 and trying to get out of going to calling hours for Miss Emerson, my old fifth grade math teacher. I did not want to go. My father was unequivocal. "Dee," he said, "you're going. Always go to the funeral. Do it for the family."

So my dad waited outside while I went in. It was worse than I thought it would be: I was the only kid there. When the condolence line deposited me in front of Miss Emerson's shell-shocked parents, I stammered out, "Sorry about all this," and stalked away. But, for that deeply weird expression of sympathy delivered 20 years ago, Miss Emerson's mother still remembers my name and always says hello with tearing eyes.

That was the first time I went un-chaperoned, but my parents had been taking us kids to funerals and calling hours as a matter of course for years. By the time I was 16, I had been to five or six funerals. I remember two things from the funeral circuit: bottomless dishes of free mints and my father saying on the ride home, "You can't come in without going out, kids. Always go to the funeral."

Sounds simple -- when someone dies, get in your car and go to calling hours or the funeral. That, I can do. But I think a personal philosophy of going to funerals means more than that.

"Always go to the funeral" means that I have to do the right thing when I really, really don't feel like it. I have to remind myself of it when I could make some small gesture, but I don't really have to and I definitely don't want to. I'm talking about those things that represent only inconvenience to me, but the world to the other guy. You know, the painfully under-attended birthday party. The hospital visit during happy hour. The Shiva call for one of my ex's uncles. In my humdrum life, the daily battle hasn't been good versus evil. It's hardly so epic. Most days, my real battle is doing good versus doing nothing.

In going to funerals, I've come to believe that while I wait to make a grand heroic gesture, I should just stick to the small inconveniences that let me share in life's inevitable, occasional calamity.

On a cold April night three years ago, my father died a quiet death from cancer. His funeral was on a Wednesday, middle of the workweek. I had been numb for days when, for some reason, during the funeral, I turned and looked back at the folks in the church. The memory of it still takes my breath away. The most human, powerful and humbling thing I've ever seen was a church at 3:00 on a Wednesday full of inconvenienced people who believe in going to the funeral.


After reading the essay twice, I was crying and I didn't really know why. I don't know if being selfish is a prerequisite for being in your early 20's, but it certainly seems like it lately. I include myself in this criticism. I'm so saddened by selfishness and I can't decide if it's the industry I'm in, the city or the people I choose to be around. I guess all I can do is surround myself with good, loving people and it's something I haven't been doing lately.

OPENING NIGHT!

LDSIBGVLOWUYB CIQWENCILWRGBLUABCWKEMNGUYlnivgiyerbnviuenwgmslkvm cwiorbhiyrtnvaw!!!!!!

This is it! The kids perform in front of a live audience for the first time - this afternoon! AH! I could barely sleep last night I was so nervous. Yesterday we had a pretty sloppy run-through, but I think they are ready. I am so proud of them. AHHHH! I just want everything to go smoothly.....please please please.

Rough

One of our kids came to camp and couldn't sit down. At first I thought she was just being annoying, but she was actually unable to sit. She had to lie on her stomach all day and couldn't do any of our dances. At one point she lifted her shirt on accident, uncovering a bunch of purple bruises on her stomach. I asked her what was wrong and she said she fell. I talked to the supervisor of our partner program and he says she really did fall, but it's disturbing and I'm still debating what I should do about it. My heart just aches for these kids....especially when I get frustrated at them for losing focus or forgetting to memorize their lines because WHAT AM I THINKING?! Of course they can't memorize their lines. It's nearly impossible when they have such troubled homes.

On a completely different note.......here is my favorite camper quote to date:

Alexis (7 yrs old): Last night my little brother (2 yr old) dreamed that he was Martin Luther King Jr.

................................oh wait, no..........that was Elmo.

Circus!

Only 8 more rehearsals until the show. The kids did their first run-through today and I was quite impressed. They are forgetting a lot of lines, but they were able to stumble through it without a lot of help, which is a good sign. Tomorrow we are building the set and taking them to the circus!

Made in Asia

So it turns out the little boy's Aunt was lying! The triplets saw the boys running around the neighborhood the other day. This makes me even more sad for the boys because I think they really liked camp, but it wasn't the "cool" thing to do. UGH. So dumb.

The girls were so hilarious on the ride to camp today. I went on the freeway for the first time and D pointed to the cars ahead and said, "I've always wondered who is at the very front of the freeway. Someday, when I'm grown, I'm going to wake up really early and be the first one in front of everyone." Her sister jumped in saying, "Yeah! I've always wondered that too! Also, how did all of these streets get here? It must have taken FOREVER to make them......like at least 30 years, right?" I'm around kids so often now that I started thinking, "YEAH. When WERE these roads made? It must have been a million years ago."

Then S started talking about how everything she owns seems to be made in China to which D said, "Yeah, why can't something be made in Asia or Egyptian or something???"

Things to think about, guys.

Big smiles

This week has been so crazy and the wedding hasn't even happened yet. I had to skip work on Wednesday to throw the bachelorette party and - of course - shit went down at the camp while I was gone. The Reverend that helps me transport the kids called to say that our oldest boy and lead character got in a fight with his Aunt and had to move to Washington with his dad THAT DAY. I couldn't believe it. I almost cried. He was so excited about learning his lines and he just got completely ripped from his home. It was absolutely heartbreaking. It also meant that his little brother, our youngest camper, wasn't going to come to camp anymore either. He was by far the funniest little kid ever. I am so sad.

Anyway, I came back to work at the end of camp today after the Bridesmaids Luncheon and the kids all rushed over to give me a hug. I wasn't wearing my couselor clothes so they thought I was very glamorous and grabbed at my hair a lot. They all wanted to show me the new dance they learned while I was away. It was SO ADORABLE. Seriously. Everyone was smiling ear to ear as they danced. Even the little boys were enthusiastic (they always act like they hate performing). I started to tear up as they finished the song. They were so proud of themselves and so excited to show me what they had learned. I just can't believe these kids could barely talk to each other two weeks ago. Moments like those make this camp worthwhile.

shut up

Certain people are determined to be unhappy. No matter what you do to please them, they find a way to stay completely miserable. I always feel like the person responsible for making sure that everyone else is having a good time. Maybe it's the big sister in me or maybe it's just my personality. Dan and I talked about it at work this morning. He and I are very similar in this respect. We are generally happy and positive people. Other people, are not. It's annoying. It's even more annoying because I feel like it's my job to make it better and it's not my job! Why do I feel that way??

Bastille Day

My best friend is getting married in 6 days and I am a bridesmaid in her wedding. 6 days. I can't believe it! In less than a year, they hope to have a child. It's so strange to me. I'll be going out to a bar while they'll be at home with a baby. Completely weird.

eww

This theatre smells like rotten sandwiches.

Germans

When my brothers and I were little we used to play a game called Mary & Joseph (hmmm....wonder where we got those names...). In the game we were orphans running away from Nazis. My mom eventually changed "Nazis" to "nuns" because we were screaming "Nazi!" in public and that wasn't going over so well. We had no idea what Nazis were, but we knew they were bad.

Yesterday I was driving three of our campers from Compton to the theatre and they were chatting with each other in the back seat. Occasionally as they were talking, the boys would randomly say, "German" and the conversation would continue. It happened a bunch of times so I asked the oldest boy, Tyquone, why they were doing that. He explained by saying, "Whenever someone says something really stupid, we say 'German' and hit them in the head." I asked him why and he said it was just something they always did.

Interesting.

Umbrella (ella ella ella)

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